NaNo Week 3: Friends and Frenemies

The good thing about last week's miss on a blog post was that I was frantically writing fiction. The bad thing about writing one this week is that I haven't. At the approach of week four, I'm slightly over 30K to the good, with an average of 3K a day to write in order to hit the goal. Both my novellas are like amoebas right now, glop without much structure beyond a wall and a nucleus. Still, glop is preferable to no glop at all. In my first one, I'm still struggling with an ending. In my second one, it's tone. I've noticed I have no problems writing fast-paced, humorous, snappy dialogue as long as I am not writing a sex scene. Sex and humor is hard. (No pun intended. Really.) The experiment with the plotting system has to go on hold until I start revising. I suppose that's good to know, anyway.

In my last post, I discussed NaNo naysayers. In the last couple of weeks, I've noticed that this crew has largely grown quiet. What I have noticed is NaNo has helped me tell my writing friends from my writing frenemies.

NaNo, to a writer, is not unlike embarking upon a new workout routine or training for a running event. Some of your friends will be solidly in your corner. The best ones will be your actual workout buddies, dragging their butts to the gym when you do, or coming out to run with you. Following close behind are the ones who'll support you by helping you stick to your diet or just being a cheering section. If you have to eat twigs and oats when you go out with them to lunch, they will eat twigs and oats with you without complaint and not ask for the dessert cart. At the very least, they'll compliment you for sticking to your diet and not try to push you into eating something you shouldn't. Nor do they encourage you to engage in activities which will break your training.

Then, there's the frenemies, whose actions will range from general lack of support to outright sabotage. Maybe they persist in scheduling activities at times which conflict with your workout schedule, then get offended when you decline. They'll tease you about your selections at lunch, encourage you to break your diet 'just a little bit', or skip workouts because 'just once won't hurt'. At their worst, they'll disparage your goals.

I believe motivation comes from within. I don't believe anyone who really wants to write needs a support group, any more than I believe anyone who really wants to exercise, diet or train needs a counselor or a buddy system. That said, anyone but a Scrooge-level misanthrope will appreciate the morale boost a good cheering section can provide. Similarly, even the most motivated person can be derailed by sabotage.

I'm fortunate. My immediate circle of writing friends, including the three other wonderful Wicked Authors, have been supportive of my NaNo efforts, whether they've been participants or not. At the end of week two, for example, I had three 15 hour days during which it was impossible to put a word on the page. At the end of it, my husband stepped in and offered to take care of our baby girl for the weekend and give me uninterrupted writing time. When I checked in to NaNo, a writing friend and fellow participant who was aware of my situation had sent me an encouraging e-mail. Other friends who intended to participate but who have fallen off the pace have chatted me through plot blocks or have been willing to reschedule events to give me more writing time. At the very least, even those who haven't actively encouraged or helped have at least done nothing to interfere.

Did I need my husband to give me that time? Well, it was a huge help, that's for certain, but I would have managed. Did I need that e-mail in order to have the motivation to buckle down and BICHOK? No. But it made me smile and gave me warm fuzzies. Could I have progressed without the brainstorming? Yes, though not as quickly. Would I have stuck to my guns about rescheduling events if they'd been less willing to do so? Yes. However, all of those have made a significant difference in my progress, and I'm grateful for it.

I've discovered only one borderline writing frenemy among my circle of writing acquaintances. Fortunately, this person's lack of support has largely been confined to wanting to schedule time-sucking events during my few free hours and wanting to chat during my writing time. No malice has been intended; it's simply a lack of consideration. Fortunately, I'm getting better at saying no to events and I'm screening my phone calls.

At their most vicious, however, the writing frenemies can be pure poison, and it takes surprisingly few of them to have a significant negative impact.

Again, I am fortunate, because my only contact with this type is through a few of my writing groups. Even so, just one person can have an incredible chilling effect. For example, in one group, there were a couple dozen NaNoers who began the event by mentioning their word counts and writing challenges. Every time they did so, one particular person with anti-NaNo sentiments would make some kind of negative comment about their progress or about the event in general. Nobody else on the loop made any discouraging comments at all.

After the first week, this person managed to kill all NaNo discussion. One person silenced two dozen and effectively killed a support mechanism.

I know I haven't bothered posting on that loop because I didn't want to have to deal with the emotional effects of the inevitable negative response. I'd want to write a scathing reply, and either I'd waste time writing it to get it off my chest, even if I didn't post it, or I'd be ticked off enough to have trouble concentrating for a while – again, wasting valuable writing time.

Are all the NaNo participants in that group still writing? Most likely some of them still are, but like me, they're doing what they can to lessen a toxic atmosphere and devoting their time to productive writing.

Even if I don't manage to hit my 50K, this winnowing of friends and frenemies has still been useful. I NaNo only once a year, but I write all year long. Now I know who wants me to succeed. I also know who will be threatened by my success.

In this season of giving thanks, I'm grateful to have so many people in my corner. I'm also grateful that I've learned, over the years, how to recognize frenemies and lessen the damage they can do.

Onward to 50K!

(cross posted to http://www.wickedauthors.com)